I have mixed thoughts on this answer. Several years ago I would have said that the anxiety is a feeling from God letting you know that you shouldn't move forward with the marriage. I would say that because it happened to me several times, starting with my first love at BYU. I just couldn't move forward with him no matter how hard I tried. Every time I thought about marriage I was gripped with this fear and I felt immobilized. What was wrong with him or our relationship? Absolutely nothing! We got along better than any best friends do, the chemistry was undeniable and we were both strong in the gospel. I was physically attracted to him, I loved his family and he loved mine. But I broke off our wedding because I just felt so anxious when I thought about looking at him across the alter. I loved that man and he was my best friend, but I was so scared that I got in my own way of our eternal marriage. I was 22 years old. Since then I have had a series of relationships with wonderful men. They are all different in their own way - and I have fallen in love many times but have always felt that hint of anxiety when commitment came up.
When I was 29 years old I finally understood what I was feeling. I had a serious boyfriend and every time we started talking future I would freak out. It was then that I realized my fear of commitment had more to do with anxiety than it did with any kind of reality. He was a great guy - all the boxes were checked. Again, I let my anxiety get in the way. I decided to push through it instead of letting it get in my way of having a family and children - the things I wanted more than anything in my life. After 18 months of pushing through I figured it out. I didn't have anxiety about commitment anymore because I stayed to fight instead of running away. We didn't end up getting married for more fundamental reasons but I can honestly say for the first time in my life that anxiety wasn't a part of it. Thank goodness.
LDS Living published an article entitled "I'm Anxious, So Let's Break Up" in April 2011. I think it is important for everyone to read because the reality is, sometimes we get in our own way while heading toward eternal marriage, but we don't have to. Don't let anxiety ever be a reason for a break up. Find out the real reasons why a relationship isn't working out - how you are treated, the goals that you have together and the simple things you do together everyday that bring you joy. If fundamental things are a problem then seriously consider moving on. But don't let anxiety be a reason to end a relationship. It was my excuse for years and that's all it was - an excuse. Fear overshadows faith - move forward in faith knowing that it will go away if everything else is in place. You are worth it - your future husband/wife is worth it - your eternal marriage is worth it. At least that is my hope one day:)
Thank you for posting this Erin. I feel like all singles should read this (especially the older singles).
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